oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
