he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
