I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
