Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
