Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
