My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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