Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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