Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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