First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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