I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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