The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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