Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
