He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
