It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
youre lurking in front of me
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
