You really coming over, don't trick.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
