plz talk dirty to me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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