I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
