Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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