plz talk dirty to me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
