Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize