apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
