there was a trapeze. enough said
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
