i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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