so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
