yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize