I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize