after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
