You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
