grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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