I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
