Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
