I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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