Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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