i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
