my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
