thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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