The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if only i could text you this smell
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
