I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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