im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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