i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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