I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
