How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
