I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize