the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
