I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
