When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
