What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
