I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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