I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
