I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
