how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
