Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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