Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
