READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
