i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
