i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My pussy is not your playground.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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