I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
