I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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