She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
