Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
