Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
