I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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