she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
