the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
