I'm really into asian looking animals
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
