Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
